Being a mom is the hardest, most amazing and important thing I have ever done. Nothing in life compares to holding this responsibility. You can’t train for it, no matter how much you see others do it, you can’t really learn how to do and there are no books that can really explain it.
Motherhood is an individual experience that unfolds naturally form the second that life is conceived. Becoming a mother is a nature occurrence that evolves bit by bit, a little every day. I find that in giving my heart to my children, I give my all and that is the only way I know how to be a mom.
My introduction into motherhood was not planned or thought out. At age 18, I was a college freshmen still living at home with my own parents. The thought of something, a real person growing inside of me was terrifying. Yet somehow, even though I had no idea of what I was doing nor could I fathom the magnitude of how my life was about to change, somehow I loved that tiny ball of wonder before it even formed.
The years that followed were very challenging. By God’s grace I learned how to give life to something greater than myself. I appreciated the fact that God chose me to be a vessel for two of his angels to enter this world and impact the lives of others in powerful meaningful ways.
My oldest son Chris reclaimed his wings and joined the Heavens over ten years ago. In my first memoir “Dear Chris, Conversations with my Son,” I write about the love we shared and how being his mother made me the woman I am today. In the midst of a battle with Leukemia, Chris taught me the hardest lesson of all to being a mom - that I really could not give him everything, but my love for him was enough and all that he ever needed.
The one thing I wanted to give my son the most was his healing. If I could have traded my life for his suffering I would have done so without as much as a second thought. Like any good mother, and being the woman who does it all, I really thought I was in control of the situation. But, God had his own plans for me and for Chris. God delivered my son by calling him home to eternal peace. As for me, well I was given a new lease on life, a fresh start and a renewed purpose.
Losing my first child made me cling tighter to his younger brother Josh, my sweet baby son whose mind is as vast as the universe with a nature twice as big. He challenges me more than anything because I am forced to be my very best example for him. I hold very high standards and accountability for myself because of Josh.
This past weekend, I sat down with my son Josh to talk about our relationship and what it’s like to be my son. We shared how grateful we are to have overcome the loss of his big brother and subsequently his dad to cancer. We talked about how those experiences changed our lives and made us stronger as a family.
Check out our talk, “What Do Sons Want Their Mothers to Know?” on my new YouTube Channel!
Today, I am blessed to be remarried and by marriage have a beautiful daughter. My precious little Princess Zaria is the most beautiful girl in the world. I loved her before I ever professed my love for her dad. We met when she was four years old and formed an instant connection. So accustomed to having boys in my life, she is a refreshing breath of new air. I am again a bit terrified and excited at the same time as I watch her growing into the young woman God created her to be. As her “other mom” all I can do is what I know best, and that is to give her my all.
Happy Mother’s Day to every and anyone who has ever had the privilege and blessing to rear a child giving their unconditional all.
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